The more i try, the more damage ive done. I dont know what to do. When i try so hard, it gets worst and when i dont try at all the outcome will still be the same. What i read really demoralized me. It seems that all these while ive done nothing. Nothing at all. Ive tried so hard. Everything and anything i could and to read what you typed, to know what youve been through. I dont know if i can genuinely make you happy. Basically, i dont know what to do anymore. Haiz.
From the start i told myself id never give up. But even the strongest dimond can break. I tried to be strong in front of you. To give you the confidence and to give you the motivation to persevere but i dont know how long i can handle this. I cant cheer myself up everytime you throw a tantrum at me. Sometimes i want you to be the one who cheer me up and make me smile. Sometimes i just want you. Im clueless in what i should do. What i should change. How to make you truely happy. I wonder if im the cause of all these. If you would be happier without me? Will you?
It takes alot of courage to type this out as ive been keeping this in me all these while. I dont want to let you know that im not as strong as how you think i am but i must let this out somewhere and the only place i know is here. I know someday you'll read this but please dont think that your useless and such. Maybe it could be me who cant make you smile. Have you ever considered that when you type all those words at your blog? Im sorry for not being there when you need me the most and im sorry i couldnt make you genuinely smile all these while. I never want to lose you but this has to stop. Im afraid i cant hold on much longer. It hurts when the person i love is sad but it truely hurts a lot more knowing i didnt make her genuinely happy and all these while its just a plastered smile.
Please god help us.